Transition

tran•si•tion   [tran-zish-uhn, -sish-] noun
Movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

The current theme in my life seems to be transition. Honestly, there really isn’t anything wrong with that; it’s actually pretty exciting. I have just moved from being the Guardian of the Coven to its Priest, which I feel is a giant move for me. It has been the culmination of a journey that at one time almost came to grinding halt.

Around three years ago, I was “promoted” to Priest because of the need for a larger leadership base for our growing Coven. At that time in particular we had ten people and it was becoming a bit too much for my wife to handle by herself. She asked for me to step up and serve as the Coven Priest. Of course I said yes to the whole venture because I was very interested and vested in making sure that the Coven continued on. It was exactly then that I knew I made a terrible, terrible mistake.

The thing was that our Coven was a very “young” Coven at that time. What I mean by that is that a majority of our membership had either just began their Paths or had only taken a few steps ahead on that path. This included me as well; I had been a practicing Pagan for exactly five minutes longer than the others in Coven and now I was suppose to be their insight for Paganism. This of course made me feel insanely secure about myself and this “giant” repertoire of knowledge that I had apparently learned via osmosis. Over night of course….

In this role as Priest, the first time around that is, I was a spectacular disaster. It was that train wreck that you know you have always wanted to see: freight train verses clown car. I mean, I’ve always wanted to see that shit. Look, I know that it’s morbid, but come on...it’s a clown car. They will need the Jaws of Life to cut everyone apart the way they get packed in there....

I sense I may have lost my track here. Anyway....

As a new Priest I was able to do the worse thing that one could do in that position – fake my way through everything! Yep! I had a bullshit answer for everything and I was just vague enough that people thought I was actually dispensing advice and guidance. In reality all I was doing was buying time to figure out what the hell I was suppose to do as well as some breathing room. It was not enough to actually do anything but frustrate myself and those that I suppose to be serving.

It all really came to a head when one night I had three different people come to me for help and advice. They weren’t asking anything that was too difficult or impossible for me to deal with. It was just like something within me just snapped like a twig and I couldn’t take the pressure any more. The next thing I knew I was flying off the handle yelling and screaming at these poor people about how I’m stressed to and my life sucked to....it wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t mean to explode like that, I just couldn’t take the job anymore. I didn’t know what I was doing and I felt that someone would figure that out sooner than later. Fortunately there was someone in the wings who could step up and take the reigns from me with very little transition. Kyotee became the Priest, Rhiannon was the Priestess and I took the Guardian.

This was a job I could do. A job that I felt confident in: keep the boogies away from the Coven and teach people how to defend themselves. Yep, this was where I was called! I was the Guardian for the Coven for over three years. In that time, I have seen and dealt with shit that will turn you white! I was (and still am) very good at what I did. There wasn’t a supernatural force on the planet that I don’t have the stones to go toe to toe with on any given day, but I felt like something was missing. (I promise war stories about things I did while as a Guardian to follow soon)

I looked at my failure as the Priest as an area to improve on, because I knew that one day I would want to have that role again. But before I could transition back to that role, I knew that I needed to work on some things. The first thing that I needed was knowledge, cause I had virtually none.

I started reading everything on Wicca that I could get my hands on. From the really good stuff to the really, really, really bad stuff. I just ate it all up as fast as I could. Once I had my fill of Wicca, I moved on top Paganism in general. Then Mythology. Then Astrology. Divination. Ritual design. Path working. You get the ideal. The point is, while I was looking as this as filling a deficiency in my ability to serve others I should have been looking at it as an opportunity to fill up my knowledge base. About half way through my studies, I realized that all this study should have been meant for my own Path and since then my studies have become more focused. Don’t get me wrong there are things that I will read that I have no interest in and I am reading it simply so I can have a understanding over a particular subject. A majority of my focus is spent on my own study, and this focus has helped me define my Path and where it’s direction would take me.

The other thing that I did was I learned how to listen. This is actually harder than it sounds. When you are learning how to listen to anything, the first lesson that you need to learn is how to shut the fuck up. Mind you, not just your voice but everything. You need to silence your mind both in the rational and the emotional and take everything in without bias. Consider all the possibilities and then wait for the ability to provide the feedback that you have formulated.

This is not an easy task. Your first reaction will be to blurt out the first good ideal that comes to mind. Or even verbally vomit just how stupid it is what you are hearing (I’m guilty of this one...a lot!). The level of control that you have to exert over your instincts is very intense, but with practice this control comes with ease. You find that you are calm and receptive. Also, you find that you are remembering a lot more detail when people are talking to you.

The last thing that I needed to learn was how to relax when everything is falling down around me in a violent explosive mess. Kyotee taught me how to do a lot of this. At times, I think that he would purposely arrange some event of personal explosive pooh-pooh just to watch and see what I would do. I of course know that this is bullshit, but coming from someone named Kyotee....

So, here I am again. Priest. A bit wiser. A bit more prepared, but definitely ready to get this right. I am confident.

Merry Meet
Merry Part
And Merry Meet Again

Blessed Be!